While writing my last blog entry my life was so much different. I had a job. I had a purpose. I was paying my bills, eating well and saving for retirement in 25 years. It's all gone now. The Human Resource Reaper came for me Jan 16th 2009. I've been unemployed since, and my resources are stretched to their limits. I'm not sure what happens when they finally break. I'm hoping not to find out.
I understand that there are ups and downs in life. I've never encountered a down this steep or as low before. I've certainly been worse off, but I was single then and I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself. But with a family to support, it's especially painful and much harder to live with. The worry and anguish of not being able to provide for my family has caused a lingering pit in my stomach like a cold heavy stone sitting at my core. It keeps me up at night, and makes it difficult to want to wake up. When I do wake up, it's like a wave of panic sweeping over me. I may dose back off, only to have the wave crash into me a few minutes later.
2009 sucks for a lot of people. The HR Reaper came for 80% of us in what used to be my office. I'm not sure how the others are doing. My community, my state, the whole country has had a pretty bad year. I'm certainly not alone in my plight. I keep hearing the same advice - "Try to stay positive" or "Things have to change soon". From my perspective, time is running out. The more time progresses, the harder it is to stay positive and stave off the feelings of panic and despair. I am drifting further out to sea and land is getting harder and harder to reach. The current is getting stronger and I grow weary of swimming.
As discouraging as that sounds, I'm sure many people can relate. I'm not going to stop swimming. That would be foolish. I've still got some time before I loose everything. I just need to find a way to use that time more effectively.
Comments (1)
No pie-in-the-sky words from me. I have a job, but am really feeling a pinch. I've spent the day combing money-saving blogs for new ideas on how to save a buck or two.I am relieved that I only have myself to worry about. I know a lot of people in the same boat as you. Can't offer much, but I can proofread cover letters and resumes if it helps any. Hope you find something soon.